Well, actually I don’t mind if you ask me why because there a lot of reasons before I get down to the “i don’t fucking know anymore” part, and so long as I know you, we have a rapport, you are not a motherfucking stranger popping out of the blue to point a finger at me and ask “what is wrong with this creature,” I doubt I’ll mind it. What you actually should resolve to never, ever, EVER, ever, e v e r do is this:

Tell me it’s just in my head, or that I’m making it up, or that I’m imagining it, or that I can “just get over it”, or that “it gets better, really,” or the always lovely “I had a friend that was depressed and they didn’t do the things you do/got better/got better, so why haven’t you” thing like there aren’t a million different ways shit like this can manifest and of course we depressed peeps go around with signs on our backs saying “hey everybody the insides of my brain are different than some of you peeps’!” jfc.

I also don’t know if I’d say “depression is a straightforward response to a bad situation” ‘cause my depression is not straightforward at all and it can be triggered by any sort of situation (a lot of the time I get depressed when things are quiet and there’s no one around I can talk to to get my mind off shit) but maybe that’s just me, and hey at least this guy is trying here which is more than I can say for a lot of people.

Excuse my language. I swear when things get me riled up and sure as hell nothing is going to get me more on fire than the state of my brain. And that is, as always, fraked.

But yeah it’d be nice if you’d be my friend instead of my judge, jury, and executioner kaythnx.

(Source: mentalillnessmouse, via ghostthane)

infinityongay:

people are very accepting of depression and anxiety and other mental illness until they run across someone who doesn’t fit the narrative of “aw poor sad beautiful shy girl who’s perfect in every way except she can’t see it but if you tell her you love her she’ll magically be cured”

because guess what it’s not that easy it’s not that simple it doesn’t work that way

mentally ill people are hard to deal with

we are by turns annoying and aggressive and shy and manic and depressed

we are not always fun to be around

we are difficult

and guess what? telling us we’re beautiful or we shouldn’t feel sad or we’re loved isn’t going to magically fix that

and god forbid we be crazy in a way that’s irritating to you

because the same people who claim to be there “if anyone needs anything at all!!!! <333” are usually the ones who are dismissive, cruel, who laugh when, god forbid, someone ISN’T that shy, sad, broken teenage girl who just needs someone to love her

and that acceptance ends abruptly when our mental illness becomes inconvenient

and that’s just fucked up.

because the same people who claim to be there “if anyone needs anything at all!!!! <333” are usually the ones who are dismissive, cruel, who laugh when, god forbid, someone ISN’T that shy, sad, broken teenage girl who just needs someone to love her

I’ve had this happen to me. More than once. RECENTLY actually.

(Source: pansypunx, via combefierce)

do good, be better, don’t let it get you down
come on now, steady as it goes,
pick yourself up now because it only
gets ten times worse the longer you let it go
don’t listen to yourself, your body
when it tells you you’re running on empty
you know how to make it move
the tricks and the goals you set
to get yourself up and going and
don’t dare think
don’t you think, that’s one thing you don’t
you don’t really want to do
you don’t want to pick at the edges of
one of your metaphorical scabs to see
how long it’ll take till you get it bleeding again
take care of yourself you know
what you have to do
take a shower, once every day and maybe
remember to eat three times a day
not little things here and there but actual
square meals even if they sit heavy in your stomach
you need them, remember
and hey, don’t trust the people around you
don’t say what you actually think
to your mother, to your father, to your brother
remember they’ve threatened you
and yes, yes they did,
maybe they didn’t aim their words of poison
directly at you but they did
remember what they’d do to you if they knew
if they really knew and so don’t say a word
but know you’re not lying to deceive
you’re lying to save your life and so
that’s different.

The only thing I did today was wake up and bam :|

(Source: secrets-hidden-inside, via hecticstorm)

…

I kind of hate heights. Hmm. Mixed martial arts sounds like something I would be definitely interested in though.

Perhaps I should try doing something more physical now that it’s getting warmer out. I could go walking and then maybe work into a light run. There’s a bike trail that runs by a creek near where I live and I would be calmed by the sound of running water (seriously that’s like the best thing to calm me down) while doing something constructive and listening to music on my iPod.

I think it’s a win all around.

(via zodiacsociety)

This is a poem I wrote. I’ve since separated my poetry from my regular postings for various reasons, but this one. So much of this is what I feel now, on a daily basis, in the past, and likely into the future.

It’s angry. It’s not pleasant. But it is truthful. And I just want it here as well. For my own reasons.

poetryofasort:

Not a pleasant poem and especially poignant for this lovely post I found on my dash today about people who use the term “attention seekers” to hurt people who suffer from things like depression, self harm, domestic and emotional abuse, among others. Wasn’t written in response but hell. This is exactly what I’d say to them.

—-

some days I think
there is absolutely
nothing of worth
to myself and
nothing can make
me think anything else
it’s not simple misery
this, you see
it’s not simple at all
I never start out
to hate myself
never the goal only
the destination
and some people
they think I’m melodramatic
worse they think I
think this way for
attention, like it’s a game
because surely nothing
I am could be not about
someone else
no I must
give all of myself
and never complain
and never falter, never fail
and must trust,
oh must trust, no matter who
no matter what
no matter how many times
that trust is betrayed
and must never be angry
but of course can’t be
very happy either
then I’m conceited
and must treat others with respect
even when I receive none
even when there are those
who would look at my
body and see only
a birthing factory
a piece of meat
and of course bitterness, anger, sarcasm
are not appropriate
responses to hate
only those who hate can be bitter
angry
sarcastic
violent
and I must stay prim and proper,
alone, estranged, vulnerable,
afraid but also social and warm
and docile in the way society pleases
and I shouldn’t say I care
shouldn’t care
or explain why
shouldn’t voice those reasons
surely they shouldn’t harsh
against the majority even when
the majority kills, slaughters, silences
oh no
and can’t want to change the world
so I don’t have to worry
look over my shoulder and wonder who
(if it’s you)
wonder who will want to hurt me
for who I am
no other reason
just because some dogma denies
my existence and
that’s all the reason they need
and I can’t speak my mind
certainly can’t speak when I choose
too uppity
like I think I’m important
like I think my words have value
(pfft, good luck)
and I’m too emotional
because emotions are wrong
and logic good
cold rational
except when it comes from me
and can’t be too direct
must defer
must speak low of myself
while the only message
“to the point,
speak clear,
and value personal
achievement”
is a trap not freedom
and can’t ever be smart
oh no
certainly not by my own means and will
no, if I succeed
I was spoon fed and
never struggled no
yet when I ask for help
I’m a slacker
at something that at once
I breeze past
yet fail at?
(yeah, okay, how ‘bout not)
and ain’t I just the frigid bitch
you see
destructive, a threat, someone
ha, a something
‘cause I get called a bitch and a chick
and don’t think I don’t see you
comparing me to animals
I’m out to destroy the world
but I’m irrational and weak
a raging volcano with an early fuse
who cares too much
thinks it’s sad that’s radical
and I refuse to be
who you want me to be
yeah sometimes I hate myself
for your attention
(fuck you)

—-

journeytoanewcreation:

What if, in the very midst of those strong feelings, someone called you an “attention seeker” and told you to just get over it? What if you’d spent years upon years dealing with things on your own, and the moment you broke the silence and had the courage to speak out about your suffering, someone told you to “sit down and shut up, and stop seeking attention”. Can you just imagine what that would do?

I don’t have to imagine what it would do because I know what it will do. It makes a person stop trying, stop asking for help, stop expecting there will ever be a different future, stop, little by little, thinking they have any self value or worth whatsoever, stop thinking they have any reason to live.

People who throw out the excuse “attention seeking” are arguing about a goddamn technicality of speech (that the person in question is seeking help, of course a bad thing, of course /sarcasm) in a situation that may hold someone’s life in the balance.

I’m going to get very angry and sweary sweary if I don’t stop now so I will. But this is a very post. Very good.

(Source: his-grace-covers-me)

do you ever feel like a plastic bag
drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
do you ever feel already buried deep?
six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing

- katy perry, firework

beermuda:

if you say that privilege means that someone cannot be clinically depressed then you are a huge asshole and i’m not sorry for saying that, you are really just an asshole and i don’t like you

People who think like this. You make it incredibly hard for me to go through life. In fact, you contribute to my many issues.

So if you could stop that.

Yes.

Okay.

Thanks.